Konnichiwa minna-san.
Since these last few days… I don’t feel like I am being myself anymore. I feel lonely. I have no one else here who can support me no matter what happens. I used to be a happier person before everyone left me (including my bests friends) i always talk to them, hang out together and stuff but now? i feel like i am just a one little person in a big world.
even though my mother and sister told me to get new friends to replace the ones that i have already lost but i just don’t know where to start. almost all the people in school don’t have the specific quality that i wanted. such as love playing video games, anime and stuff. they are just not suitable enough for me. and i feel worried.
when i am at school i feel like something is seriously missing. my true friends. they are gone. i mean sure they will come back during the holidays but that’s only for a short time. i want them to be with me, side by side even if our classes are different. during recess when i am eating i looked around, and see normal people and not one of my true friends. my heart feels like it is being stabbed with knifes as sharp as a katana.
i don’t care what my family says about my addiction of gaming. i don’t care how lazy i am. i just want my friends back. i don’t want to be alone. ever since they are gone, i started to sit near a computer or a lap top and sit there for hours and hours with no one to stop me. sure they will get angry but i don’t care what they say.
i feel depressed. this could make me go insane and make me not being myself anymore. i just wish that someone in the world here will be right my side, supporting me when there’s any problem, that kind of stuff. i just wish that everyone here will at least appreciate of what i have done for them. i feel like i should not be exist from this world at all (no not killing myself).
i could say that i am a NEET. in which i would be sitting here in front of the pc or lap top, browsing websites and playing games and ignore everything around me so i can be in my happy place whenever i am using the pc or lap top.
and when something’s bad happens to me, i wish for my true friends to notice and responds to the problem i have if any. I can only wish them good luck and have fun at their new schools. i also wish them to always remember me and think about the fun times we had before.
4 Comments
Remi-chan's little blog~ 
Well I can only tell you cliches, but try not to be too depressed, and you should find a way to still be in touch with them, even if it will be completely different.
At least you still have the heart to feel lonely.
Life’s like that, you’re alone most of the times and adapting to new situations are never easy.
Most people’d say that you need to take a step forward and change, but that’s not exactly ‘true’.
Try to take a step ‘out from your comfort zone’ and do something new for a change, that doesn’t need to be exactly away or different from the things that you love.
It’s a bad thing I’m from Chile and you’re from Malaysia. A phone call is just too expensive. And I don’t like Skype.
For now, I’ll tell you something.
I remembered how I was when I was a child.
I’m 20 years old, I’m studying, I have friends who like anime. But it wasn’t always like that.
In fact, when I was in school I had no friends at all. I was a problem child. I was completely alone. Even more, my class hated me. I changed my school four times in eight years.
But that situation in fact was caused because of me and my way to look at the people. Remaining three years for graduation I started to join my classmates, I didn’t went to any party, but I started to be polite with them.
Why am I telling you this?…
Technically, Remi-chan, you’re not a NEET. You’re studying. You’re in school.
Also, maybe you have an idea about what to do in the future. What do you want to study. What do you want to work in.
Having that idea is good for you. It makes you think that there is a tomorrow.
A tomorrow where you will find people with your own likes.
For now, as Eihyou says, try not to be too selective with people, nor too fond of them. Joining new people maybe can give you a huge surprise – maybe you could find a Touhou fan in disguise.
That would be it.
By the way, about the Skype thing, I have Skype indeed. Ausuta.
I also have MSN too. I’ll be glad to talk with you if you want.
Take care.
i will understand your problem
and i regret a bit moving to new school.
myabe i not your true friend but i always wish for your safety.^=^